Jenny Yoon Ji Lee

So I was writing the letter to myself in 2021 which we will put in the time capsule tomorrow as a class. I was thinking about writing this for a long time but did not dare to start. I did not know what to write because I thought that me in 2021 would probably know so much more than myself now. However, I tried to think of this not as a letter to teach myself something, but as a reminder that I should not forget all the important people in my life. I know myself the best, and I thought in the future I might be putting the most important thing in my life aside just because I am busy with the reality. I had an idea that I might need someone to remind myself that I would be more aware of the people around me who always look after me and help me whenever I need help. I do not know what I will think when I receive this letter 10 years from now, but I hope that when we do open the letter in 2021 as a class, we have matured a lot and realize what the most important things in our lives are.

This is a blog to remind myself that I have done something that I might regret later on. I found a letter from my drawer few days ago which was given to me in Nadi Airport just before we left Fiji. This letter was given to me from a boy named Rajinesh who was a very special boy in the village of Wavuwavu. He gave me the letter in response to the letter I wrote him before we left the village because I did not get to see him for the last time on the Closing Ceremony day. In the letter, he told me he liked my present, wish I would send him some information or pictures of Canada, and told me never to forget him. I promised myself that as soon as I went back to Canada, I would write back to him. However, it has been more than 2 months since we came back and I still have not sent anything back. I was not putting this on my priority list because of school and IB exams. Now I have realized that what I have done probably made that boy sad. I have realized that the letter I send back to him might have meant a lot to him. I regret my behavior, but I have started taking actions and is now preparing things I want to send back to him. I have learned from my mistakes and I wish that I would never make the same kind of mistake in the future.

I think this is the hardest assignment ever given to us. I cannot select ONE picture from the trip that would summarize the whole year. Whenever I think of a picture meaningful to me, amother picture pops up in my mind that also means a lot to me. I could not stop smiling while going through the pictures, especially when I was looking at the children’s cheerful faces. While I was looking at the pictures, I felt like I was back in Fiji, in the Colt Centre. All of a sudden, I found myself planning the trip back to Wavuwavu. In Fiji, I promised everyone that I would go back and visit, and I will keep that promise. I do not know when or how I am going to go back, but I am sure that I will be there one day and hopefully that day will come soon. Anyways,  I have been looking through pictures for few hours but I don’t seem to find the best one. However, I know that this means the trip was that valuable and because of this fact, it does not make me tired at all.

In class, we looked at some of the things we were taught before we went to Fiji. Those were the sildes that we have discussed about as a precaution. I was feeling slightly weird inside when we were re-discussing about the slides because now I understand what Mr.Matheny was trying to teach us. When I first looked at those slides about culture shocks, expectations, and aspects of a global leader, I did not exactly understand the message, but I was trying to grasp the idea and trying to remember some facts that looked important to me. However, now that I have gone through the process and can look back, I certainly realized that I did not have to memorize them, but they followed as I was in the journey. My reaction to today’s class was that I finally know that I have changed. Before when we just came back from the trip, I was still unsure what I have learned. I did not even know if I changed as a person. However, today’s class really taught me that I have actually changed the way I think and the way I perceive things around me. It was a valuable time to reflect about myself and I feel more confident after realizing my growth.

Today we had our first class back from all the IB exams. It felt a little bit weird sitting in class with my Fijians becasue all of the sudden it felt like I was back in Fiji again. I was still not fully aware of the situation and was still thinking about the exams. However, listening to Mr.Matheny talking about all of the things we have to finish before our group officially ends, I was struck with the reality. I realized that I had been putting Fiji aside becasue of exams. I did not bother blogging even once because I felt as if thinking about Fiji would get me side-tracked. I was afraid that if I start reflecting back, I wouldn not be able to stop and get all emotional again. However, since everything is back to normal now, I know what I am going to do to make up for the time I have missed. I am ready to take actions and hope all of the memories would come back to me again.

Since we came back from Fiji, my mind was everywhere. I found it really hard to concentrate in school, and I  could not dedicate everything to the most important thing in my life right now, which was school. Since I was facing the IB exams, I knew I had  to review everything I have learned the past two years, but it was hard for me to even sit down and do homework. Maybe it was becasue I got the acceptance letter to the university I wanted to go to, and I knew what I was going to do in the future. Today, I was going through all of the materials I had to review and I realized that there are lots of things I had to finish before the exams start. The exams start in a week and I was in panic. I was so disappointed in myself, but at the same time, I believed in myself. I told myself that being confident will make things better and I just had to do whatever I can do. I felt much better after thinking that, but  I still felt overwhelmed by the things I had to do for school. I felt like I had no motivation. I hope I find the motivation soon and catch up with everything because time is actually running out. Hopefully I can get back on track soon enough so that I can do my best during the exam period.

Few days ago, I watched a video that reminded me of an emotional moment I had in Fiji. The video was called “Meet your Meat” and it was a documentary of the reality of the slaughter house. It was very cruel, and I could not believe my eyes. The animals were fed radioactive substances, and because they were stuck in one spot since the moment they were born to the moment they go to the slauther house, they are not even able to walk. Then they were put in boiling water even before they were dead or even unconscious. Half way through the video, I felt like I could not watch it, but I kept going because I thought it was a good education for me. In Fiji, I could not watch the sacrifice of the goat. I was very emotional, and I still don’t enjoy remembering it. However, because this time I was seeing it through the computer screen, I was able to analyze the situation more objectively. The video showed the eyes of the dying animals, and I remembered the eyes of the goat that was sacrificed for us. The difference is that the Fijian people cared about the goat and they loved him, whereas the slaughter house people did not care about every individual animal and their only objective is to make more money.I felt thankful once again for the Fijian people and I hope that the issue of animal cruelty would get more attention so that people would be more aware of the sources where their food comes from.

Today morning, I had a big emotional moment with my grandmother. She came from Korea in December to live with my family and I was really excited at the moment. Becasue I had a lot in common with her, I was imagining a fun life with her in Canada. I told her that I would go exercise with her, go watch movies with her, and go to different restaurants and try different foods with her. However, when she actually came, I was so busy to do everything with her. In fact, after school, I would go to the library everyday until 9pm to dinish homework and when I came back home, I was too tired to do anything. I was neglecting her without noticing that I was doing it. I knew she was bored everyday becasue she could not speak any English, and she had no friends here. Also, I had time during weekends to have some bonding time with her, but I did not do it. Then when I came back , I heard that her health became a serious problem and she had to go back to Korea to be treated. My mother told me that she would not be able to come back to live with us since no one knows what is going to happen in the future. Then I realized that I am going to regret my behaviour for the past 4 month for my entire life. I did not try anything to improve and I finally realized that time does not wait for me to change. Now she is going back next Friday and I do not have enough time to make up for my mistreatment of my grandmother for the past 4 months. I felt very stupid and wanted to hit myself when I finally recognized my behaviour. I was the problem to the whole situation but I put blames on others. I feel horrible.

This is my first blog after I came back from our trip. I did not blog becase I wanted to give myself more time to reflect and think about the things that I have learned in Fiji. I was going through a lot of confusion when I came back. The things just did not seem to be ‘right’. I still have not figured out what was it that I felt, but I am feeling more confident now.

When we came back, we had to do a presentation to the grade 11 people for the next year’s group. All of us knew that this was coming but we were neglecting the reality so that we would not be sad. However, ignoring the reality does not solve anything and we gave our presentation successfully. When the presentation was over, I felt some kind of accomplishment that I cannot explain. It was something that made me happy and sad at the same time. Looking at the sign up sheet in front of Mr.Matheny’s room made me think about the same time last year. I still remember how nervous I was in front of the room last year. I was very scared and irritated by the fact that all of  the teachers are whom I never had classes with. On the other hand, I did not try to talk to the grade 11s becasue I did not know what I might say. I think I unconsciously developed a stereotype for the next group and I know that this is very bad. So from now on, I am going to try my best to get rid of that stereotype so that I can be more open-minded towards them. Nontheless, I still want to wish them all the luck!

Yesterday, we had a chance to go to the elementary school we always passed when coming to the work site. I have always wanted to visit there because the children always waved at us. It was very touching to see what they have prepared for us. They gave us a warm welcoming and thanked us for visiting them. Then we had a chance to go around the school with the kids. The first class I visited was one of the older classes. I found it very interesting to see the level of education they are getting. It was an English class and their level was pretty high. I started talking with the children and found out that the oldest one in the class was 13 years old and the youngest one was 10. I did not get why this was the case but I assumed it was because of their birthdays. But it might have been just the lack of classes they have.  The children were laughing and smiling the whole time we were there and I enjoyed it so much that I didn’t want to leave. The next class I visited was the youngest class in the school. I liked how the class was so organized and all of the children’s uniforms were clean and neat. They were so friendly and showed me around the class. The one thing I found that was the most interesting was that their motto of the class was ‘Rise and Shine’. It struck me so much that such a short sentence fragment can contain so much meaning in it. Then I thought about the IB mission statement. I learned that everywhere around the world, regardless of nationality, age, or language, the purpose of education is the same. We all try to learn to become a better person and even though we might be at different places, people’s thoughts are all the same. We are almost finished with the project and I hope we can finish it in time.