Darren D'sa

So this is my first blog after coming back from Mongolia, and even I have to admit its been a long time coming, but time has given me the understanding to put things into words. But in this blog I will break my thoughts up into sections so they’re a bit more clear and a bit less random than they are in my head.

Before vs After
I’ve spent a long time thinking about how the trip has made me “change”. My thoughts about this may be considered some sort of cop-out, but I believe that the way the trip changes a person, has changed me, has been inexplicable and visceral. The closest I can come to describing it using words is that I very literally SEE things differently. At first it was a product of culture shock, when I landed I remember driving home from the airport and the world looked dull even though it was a sunny day. The familiar objects were not familiar and my jet-lag sleep patterns contributed to the feeling that I was living in a new house that I hadn’t lived in before, or gone to a school that I’ve never been to in my life. These immediate changes faded though and I feel back into the rhythm of life. At first I didn’t want that to happen, I felt as if floating back into the rhythm of school and my life before the trip would make me lose what I had gained when I was in Mongolia. But now as I type this, I don’t regret drifting back into some old ways, because I didn’t lose who I was in Mongolia, it is simply the situation here that calls me to be a different person. Coming back home I know I have become more mature, more contemplative and a harder worker. Sometimes though, when I think about it, I worry about how I can make a global impact. As a class it took us one year to go to one village in one country and build one school, and it will probably be the thing of greatest global significance I ever do in my life. I came into this program with this sort of wonderful feeling, like this program is going to change the face of the world. I still have that wonderful feeling, but I know that I can’t stop at this point. When I first interviewed I felt getting in would be the end of my struggles, then once I got in i realized how much fundraising went into it. Then I thought the end of struggling would be when we’re on the trip, then of course the real struggle was building the school, after that I was 100% sure I had accomplished everything there was to accomplish. But of course, there was more, like trying to fit back into school and not hate every minute of it. Now I realize that there is no plateau, and I realize that Global Perspectives does not realize a plateau in humanitarianism either, that’s why there’s a trip every year instead of just once. I leave the program with a perspective on the vastness of the world and a vast world means that my actions to change it never stop.

Regrets and Self-Realizations
I have only one regret, and for that one regret to make any sense, I first have to explain my largest self-realization. It is a simple self-realization and one that makes a pretty funny joke in our class. Truth be told, I actually do believe that I am a little bit cold but I don’t know why I’ve become that way. We’ve often talked about how emotional of an experience we’ve had as a group, don’t get me wrong I’ve felt it as an emotional experience too, but not the same extent. In the voices of most people I hear a lot of conviction, strong feelings and belief in what they’re saying. It is on the inside that I realize that my convictions aren’t as strong,  my feelings not as deep and my emotions not as…emotional? I’m not North Pole, blizzard and more frozen than Mongolian soil cold, more like frost on the grass of a November morning cold, but cold nonetheless. It’s an interesting realization that I could only see after witnessing what I can only describe as the “raw” emotions of people who made themselves vulnerable enough to share what was going on inside their minds and their hearts. And that becomes a perfect segway into my one regret.

I never shared anything significant about myself, my life, my feelings or the thoughts that were going on in my head. It wasn’t like I didn’t want to or anything, but I am afraid. I don’t like getting in touch with the emotional side of things, it’s a feeling of vulnerability that scares me. Moreover, I can’t stand talking in front of a lot of people, or even a few people, it’s a discomfort I’d much rather avoid. That being said, now is a perfect time to avoid my discomforts and move on to my last little blurb. (Which at this point, you as the reader are thinking “Oh God, how can there be more…=_=”)

And finally, finally, this is the end, hopefully its climactic (it’s not), hopefully its interesting (my doubts), and hopefully you’ll like it (you may fall asleep…no promises) but boy does it have an intriguing title

THE FUTURE

There are a lot of futures. For example, future me has no idea what’s in store and can only wait.

In Global Perspective’s future the program will continue, become more successful and reach new heights of awesome that I can only wish to be part of. (And hopefully McCallum will be teaching it in Surrey *knock on wood*)

The future of our class: We’ll all go on to do our own things, move our separate ways, because thats the way life pushes us but that doesn’t mean we can’t always be friends.

And to people wishing to be future students: I hope you have a better time than our year (not in a bad way, our year was amazing) but I hope you fund raise more, work harder, get things done faster and be happier. Remember, you are the future, so don’t mess it up (just kidding). In all seriousness, Best Wishes.

Adieu, Adieu

This is the last day on the worksite and probably the one that makes me the happiest. I know in all my previous blogs I’ve commented on how fast the school has been coming up but even I didn’t expect it would look this good. Now with the windows being put in, the landscaping being put into place and the benches being made the school looks really captivating. I can’t wait till the closing ceremonies yet at the same time I still want to stay here and work more, make the school better. Tonight we’re going on the overnight train to Erdenet and despite the fact that the tour excites me, I will miss all the amazing people I have met here, like Buddy, Anjee, BatterGoot (aka Justin) and the policeman, who I wish I knew his name. All the worries I had at the beginning of this trip about the cold, about finishing on time and bout being able to work collaboratively and efficiently have gone away. I feel like I couldn’t have asked for a better group of people to work with and struggle with, everyone giving 110%. The worksite has been an amazing experience and I can’t wait for whats next.

Day 3 at the work site and it couldn’t be better. At first the weather bit cold and my body was sore from the work from last night but all that has faded away. After lunch as the sun was visible and the cloud cover had dispersed the day got more exciting. The school is looking more and more like a school each day. Last night it was one wall made of wood and something that looked like a hollow shell. But today, almost by the hour, the school has really become more and more like a building. (Just see the pictures!!) There is such a huge amount of satisfaction to see a structure appear, almost as if out of nowhere, from the hard work we put in. Hammering the boards into the structure, working on digging the “poo-hole” (outhouse) and in general carrying, moving and shoveling seem to get easier as the day progresses. It is almost as if the happiness from seeing the school appear so quickly has made my spirits go up and made me want to work even harder. I guess, in the end, the days keep getting better and time passes b faster than I want it to. The scaffold was definitely interesting.

It’s Day 2 on the work site and there is a lot that I anticipate. It’s certainly different from the first day, the excitement I had when first working has ebbed away slightly but I still really enjoy building the school. It’s wonderful to be outside working, especially in the cold because working really heats you up. I don’t have many complex and deeply philosophical things to say, but I simply enjoy working and it’s definitely a bonus to have our friends surround you. A day at the work site is a myriad of friends, hard work, the difficult challenge of trying to get  a job done and the priceless feeling of success when you look down at a job well done. The cultural nights themselves are quite interesting and I wonder what tonight will bring. The opening ceremony was amazing, with the dancing and the experience of Mongolian culure. It was a real eye opener to see the inside of a Mongolian  school and witness how their education was different from ours, but at the same time it was really similar. I got to talk to a few of the people here and they are all really nice and friendly. What really impresses me is how interested they are in us and what we’re doing. Every person I have met in Zuunkhaara has asked me questions and introduced themselves. I even have my own Mongolian name now (Taatsk).

Well, today is a significant day for me because it’s the day that closeness of our Mongolia trip really sank in. After going to Sportcheck and MEC to stare blankly at sleeping bags and other such equipment as well as long underwear and thermal clothing I realized that there is little more than a month left. I don’t know if I can pack right, all I know is that I can pack cautiously and in preparation for random events. I would be lying if I said I wasn’t worried, or that I knew everything already but at the same time the “worry” in the back of my head doesn’t seem to be getting to me. It’s both relieving and stressful to be so close to the actual event. Prior to this in the back of my head I’ve always been able to say “Oh, it’s months away, no worries”. But now it’s in just a month! After panicking for a while I’m going to draw up a prep plan, so I don’t have to worry about anymore things. I’ve already made a schedule of when I’m going to buy stuff. I mean, sure I’m plagued by uncertainty, more so than anything else I’ve ever done, but a stressful time amidst the oncoming of a long anticipated event that I’ve been looking forward to is relaxing in an odd way.

 There’s so many things going on right now I don’t know how to balance everything. Some things slip through the cracks and fall to the floor and I try to juggle a hundred different things. Or at least it feels like that. I guess I am just too unorganized to keep on top of everything and I begin to wonder how this will affect my ability to work well in Mongolia where we might have to juggle even more. I can’t keep track of events in my head or on paper, in a way i am reliant on many people. I guess that is one of the benefits of working with a group, especially one like ours. I expect myself to have shortcomings but at least I will have people to help me keep everything maintained and in order. I am afraid of failing, miserably, when we go to Mongolia, and not being able to do everything properly or being absent minded and daydreaming. But I know that I won’t be doing all those things by myself.
I guess my point is that criticism is a good thing, but so is empathy. To keep up, my weakness is that I need to be told what I’m doing wrong, so I don’t drop the ball and can keep up the juggling act. But in a way it’s nice to know that if I drop the ball once in a while that I can learn from my mistakes (eg/ Keeping up to my duties, meeting my expectations, sticking with my commitments). All of which help me remember why I want to do what I do and why I am in Global Perspectives.

It is definitely difficult to think of a commercial in thirty seconds that aptly sums up the workings of globalization but our group’s progress on the matter is pretty great. Today, Friday the 13th, we were able to finish all the filming aspects of it and need to edit the video. It seems like smooth sailing from here but the steps taken to get to this point were a slow progression. At first we took some of the information that we gained from our classes which involved the negatives and positives of globalization and we all tossed in ideas while Laura wrote them down. At the end of the brainstorming process we had a collection of ideas and no general direction but after talking about it and meeting after school we developed an idea for our video. I’m not going to reveal it in the blog now *because it is better when it is a surprise* but I believe that our group was able to put our own perspective on globalization. We agreed upon the idea that in a global society our actions in the first world affect the third world. Globalization has led to countries that have shaped their economies to meet our demands. More specifically, our actions can help shape the decisions that large companies make abroad. Our group video on globalization puts on a positive spin because we wanted it to suggest that there’s hope for us to improve the world in small steps. Our video also wanted to give the message that because of globalization our world and the people within it are interconnected. I hope that the video falls together nicely and becomes a pleasant surprise for the class *despite my poor acting*.

On Wednesday our class discussion led us to a role play about different personalities. Before I go about establishing the purpose of these discussions its best to outline how everything happened. First of all, Mr. Matheny handed everyone a piece of paper, told us to read it and not to tell anyone else. Kind of ominous, huh? Well it all pretty much clears up when on the piece of paper is written a personality trait that we are supposed to act out. For me, the trait I received was “Boss” which consisted of me having a self-centered personality and wanting to make my own ideas heard over everyone else’s. Of course there was a variety of different personalities on different slips of paper in the class and we all had to interact. Quite soon, chaos ensued as a bunch of people each tried to flamboyantly act out their personalities. The result of this was the realization that all the personalities on these pieces of paper such as, “boss” or “Flatterer” where incompatible. This activity gave us a perspective and transitioned us into our next topic dealing with interpersonal conflict in Mongolia. People all have different personalities and these are bound to clash. If everyone is trying to be the Boss, nobody succeeds and if everyone is trying to flatter everyone else, then nothing gets done. But on a larger scope, this activity taught a lot about cooperation and putting our own personalities and differences aside to reach common goals. Often, peoples personalities are going to get in the way of their work habits, but this activity was preparation of sorts, so that we can see what a “Bossy” person is and learn not to be as such in the future. The lesson I took home from this was that: The best way to run a successful group effort is to work as a team and expand the pathways of communication. And so, this group activity was a combination of conflict resolution and understanding of interpersonal interactions in Mongolia.

This being my first blog I guess it is best that it look towards the future. I feel as if the rest of the group and I am excited for more, especially since after the Steve Nash game. That was definitely one of the most unique experiences I have ever had. Aside from meeting Steve Nash of course, it was a growing experience. I don’t go to GM Place often, maybe like once or twice in my whole life so at first I felt a bit confused and disoriented. But over time that feeling faded away and I began to enjoy the work that we as a group were doing. From sitting quietly slightly afraid to walk up to people and ask for donations, I was finally able to talk to people after about half an hour. This was really a getting out of my own personal bubble experience as well as a group experience. I liked working with everyone in section 317 and I feel that everyone started really trying harder and harder to get our job done. Part of the reason I was able to talk to people and ask for donations was the confidence the people I was with gave me. As a group I think that being around such a group is that we all benefit from each other’s strengths and weaknesses. Being surrounded by confident people boosted my own confidence in asking everyone I could walk up to donate to the Steve Nash Foundation. That was an amazing night both in the sense of personal growth and unique experience. But now that I’ve recapped on that I should get to the point of this blog, my worries and hopes and good feelings about the future. To start off, I’m definitely worried; I mean, Mongolia? I wish I knew more about their culture and their lifestyle so by my next blog my goal will have been to know more. But my biggest worry about our Mongolia trip is: Will we be able to enough? And how much is enough? Despite my worries though, I would not like to spend time dwelling on the negative aspects. With the people in Global Perspectives this year I feel there is a lot more to hope for than there is to worry about. I feel like I can work with anyone in the group and it will still be fun, that everyone in the group is putting in 110% effort, and it shows. When I’m lost or disoriented or not confident enough like I was at the Steve Nash game the rest of the people I worked with were there and that got me to give all my effort in too. I just can’t wait for what we will do next as a group, like the next bottle drive *prays it doesn’t rain, knock on wood*.

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