Caroline Evans

So yesterday we finally came home from the trip.  I was excited, like everyone else, and couldn’t wait to tell my family everything that happened.

I told them as much as I could.  And everything was great.

I finally went to my room which I finally missed and went in.  It was unusually clean and seemed horribly different.  Like probably many other parents, my mom went in to my room and cleaned its heart out and threw away half my things that she thought was junk.  I could barely believe it.  She expected me to be extremely happy that she cleaned it but I found like I was once again in an unknown place, that my room really wasn’t my room.  I’m trying to clean it back but absolutely nothing is the same.

I snapped at my mom about it because I was upset.  I feel incredibly bad about it since it wasn’t her fault (moms just do that) and it was just me being uncomfortable about being home again.

My dad said “gezz I thought you changed.” 

I think many people will be saying that when I do some things my ‘old ways’ like being grumpy that I can’t even find my underwear since it’s in a new drawer.

I know I’m going to feel like this when I’m back at school.   Already I’m getting many questions like “what happened? tell me all about it!”  It’s hard to explain everything, and sometimes the experience is too hard to explain in words.  I’m probably going to be feeling in the spotlight for too long when I’m back in school, and would just want to buy a ticket and fly myself back to Mongolia. 

Well I’m now trying to un-clean my room again, and trying to apologize to my mom for snapping at her.  It’s weird since I haven’t been once mad when I was on the trip and already back at home I’m upset.  It’s weird. 

I need to expand my bubble that held me safe within 30 students and 4 teachers to an entire lifetime which I live in now.  I’ll need to try at least.

As Puja left the computer I stood staring at it for a moment not knowing if I should blog or not.  I questioned it because I don’t really know what to say.  There’s so much now.

Ellana, you’re probably reading this since you’re probably the only one at home, so just wanted to say thanks for taking care of me all the times family has been away.  I can be a big brat sometimes (you’re probably thinking “yah I know”). But family is finally appreciated now after Ms. Kippan has taken care of me through my ups and downs.  It made me miss family, and finally appreciate you, mom, dad, and Allison.  So, thanks.

I’ll really miss the people here.  They’re all very kind.  I feel like I haven’t fully had my big “Aha!” moment yet, but I can feel it, I think a lot of small things have been standing out for me throughout this trip.

To Alex Boo, though you probably won’t read this, you’re extremely strong.  You really pushed yourself and I really respect you for it.  You tried to compare yourself to me but really you set your own amazing boundaries and you’re very respectable.

To Anji, I love you! You are an amazing man.  I doubt you’d be reading this too but you’re the nicest man I have ever met. I’m so glad I have met you.  You’re absolutely hilarious even though you’re making fun of my laugh half of the time.  I will still message you after Mongolia, and I know you must be the best husband and father back in Ulaanbatar.

I really appreciate my mom now for her cooking.  My attempt to help the cooks 2 days ago was unbelievable.  I tried so hard to help them but the main cook just ended up laughing at me.  So thanks mom.

To the Poo Crew, you’re the nicest people I have ever met, also extremely hilarious.  And Caitlyn, wow.  Totally a different view from what I originally had about you.  You are the cutest person I have ever met.

Dominique.  I regret not hanging out without you this year.  I can’t believe how much we cried when we hugged haha.  This trip definitely brought us closer.

I’ll miss everyone here and though I should be packing now, I’m trying to write everything I feel and remember but this is just 20% of what I’m really thinking.

Sally, when you talked about this year and how you felt about school I completely understood what you meant.  I have been putting in half of all my work.  Nothing felt worthwhile.  All my homework seemed pointless and they still do, but now I know there is a meaning into doing it since I need an education to achieve my goals in the future.  I’ll try harder when I come back.

Darren, thanks for taking care of me when I was feeling a down.  You’re really sweet.  I’m happy this trip has brought us closer together then making us want to destroy each other.  So thanks for taking care of me when I needed it.  Also Steven and Ms. Kippan, you two also were really nice also.  Thanks all three of you.  I really appreciate you three.

I wish I could talk about everyone because I have something to say for all of you 30 but I’m running out of time and I need to pack.  So good bye for now, and will blog again soon.

I don’t know what to say today… there’s too much.  It’s almost all done.  To my poo crew, our fire was amazing, I wish it worked out like that in the yurt.  And to Geoff, thanks for teaching me how to swing a pickaxe, my form is now unbelievable. The school is actually starting to look like a building. I’m surprised on how everything is working out.  I have 100% stopped caring about my physical appearance. Right now my 4th day of unwashed hair is crusting over in curls and mud chunks.  My fingers are cracking with dirt and my face is stained brown.  This is my first day wearing my only second pair of pants and already they are gray with dirt.  Honestly, I wouldn’t want it any other way.  This program isn’t suppose to be pretty. I had the opportunity to take a shower yesterday and I passed on the invite.  I’m loving every moment of this.

Today is our cultural event. We will be teaching our friends how to play hockey. This will be amazing. They have taught us our differences aren’t that different, and that things can be done the same without the fancy equipment we use at home.

There are still many communications between us though, and sometimes it makes the atmosphere extremely awkward, but most funny (on the side that misunderstood). These people are incredibly nice.  They always smile and wave, and some even come by our room to say good night every night.

OK! I just learned how to spell my Mongolian name! It is spelt ìSuwdaaî. I’m excited about everything that is happening. Currently my friend is looking over my shoulder reading this.

Well Matheny wants me to go back to the building outhouse, so I will have go now.  Will update, though so much is happening I barely know what to say now.  Hope everyone is fine.  Miss you all, you too Hammer! We think of you whenever we hammer in a nail.

Guess what! I’m in Mongolia. It hit me two days ago when we had opening ceremonies. When they started dancing to a Michael Jackson song I realized ìwow. I’m here.î I realize I’ve come to appreciate some things since I’ve been here: the weather, food, washrooms, and animals.  I’ve so far shed a tear over two things, waking up in the morning shaking from the cold, and having to leave the lukewarm sleeping bag to put my feet into iced over (And inside) shoes to walk through the snow to the slightly warm fire in the main yurt. I really appreciate the teachers for helping with the fires all night. I think I started sniffling since my body felt bad because of the weather and barely any sleep and because I knew the teachers felt so much worse. I’m happy we’re in the dorms now, though the yurts were an experience but the washrooms seem far more convenient even though only one works of the three toilets.  The people are extremely nice here. Aggressive nice.  They try and try to be kind to us, and they put so much effort into the cultural nights (which was yesterday).  I’ve come to make many friends my ages (though to be honest I still can’t pronounce their Mongolian names).  One gave me a name actually.  I told him my English name was Caroline so he said my Mongolian name is ìSotaî (don’t know if I spell it like that though).  He calls me that whenever I see him and I call him Justin since that’s his English name.

When we were in the site everyone was confused not knowing what to do since many things went wrong before anything could happen. Eventually everything started working

Today I heard Daniel’s story.  Wow is all I can say.  I tend to forget what type of world surrounds me.  His life sounds like such a journey with nothing taken for granted, while here I am complaining about school.

It’s hard to imagine what a person can do with a dream for a better life or for something amazing like the olympics.  He got scoffed at for saying “I want to go to the big game”. I would be  too if I said something like that, but he really had the motivation, courage, and hope that he was able to achieve it.  I think I would have scared myself out of it, saying there’s too much pressure, let’s go for the bunny trail, who cares about the black runs.  But seeing him and hearing his story,  I think the black runs sound so much more amazing.

I had my eyes glued to him as he spoke, I didn’t want to miss a word he said.  I think when I first saw his gold metal I thought “Wow! A gold metal! That’s cool!”  But after he told us how much work and love he needed to achieve it, I looked at it in a whole new light.  I couldn’t think of it as a “Hey, Good job. *Highfive*”  I think when I held it in my hands I even tried to show respect to it. 

I wish I could have talked to him after, though I doubt I’d have known what to say, but it was impossible anyways since everyone else wanted a word with him.  I was satisfied with a handshake.

It’s weird, I’m not picturing him as an olympic idol, which I probably should, since he is, but after hearing his journey, I respect him so much more then I would have if I only heard about his gold metal.

Wow.  Right now as I am writing about him, he’s on channel 10 with the lines written at the bottom “Olympic Wrestler Daniel Igali” Can’t believe he made time to just speak to our class. 

He praised our group for our trip we’re about to do.  Now I think the motivation that tried to hide within me is back.  Mongolia is only a step away. I really think I need this journey to find me.

Thanks for coming Daniel, it was an inspiration

I feel like each time I come back to blog, a month has past and I repeat the words “wow, I can’t believe how much time has passed.”  But it’s all true.  The days blur together in this inevitable mist of homework filled days and nights, moping over grades, with nothing ever changing.  I realize now how hard it is to do everything at once, sometimes I feel like everything is over my head, and yet I’m still trying to maintain my composure.  It’s times like these when I question how I will handle Mongolia.  Will I be stressed? Happy? Sad?  What emotions will I encounter there, and what memories will I obtain?

I remember, Mr Hammerschmidt or Mr Matheny, who said something about not remembering the classes, or the grades, or the things that all bother us kids now, but looking back on highschool and remembering inside jokes, friends and all that jazz.  I think Mongolia will be one of those  memories.  I really hope I won’t remember my nights of crying cause I didn’t understand something for a test, pretty lame memory… 

I can’t believe how close it is to Mongolia.  Even the word gives me chills. Mongolia. *shiver*.  Going through fundraisers, knocking door to door, smiling to strangers, all leads up to this.  It seems so unrealistic, yet, it’s almost here.  

Some days will be hard in Mongolia since, the inevitable day 3, the pile of bricks, a hill that needs to be conquered.  Yet, I think I’ve been growing as a person, hopefully not especially in size, but I’ve recently (for about a month) gotten a job, with mountains of homework still over my head, and I’m still managing, though a tiny bit more beat up. 

There’s one thing I’m really anticipating when I go to Mongolia.  I want to see what people do for a living.  I realize I’ve complained so much throughout these blurry days that I feel like I’m no longer appreciating anything.  I want to get it kicked in the back of my head and be reminded that I’m lucky, that though they may seem like they have less then me, they have so much more, since I don’t appreciate what I have in front of me. 

I think though we say, we’re going to go to Mongolia to help them, we I should be saying, I’m going to Mongolia to learn.  Though I’ve been trying hard in school, I feel like I’ve been slowing down, like I question why I’m trying so hard, since once I give myself a day of break, I fall behind.  It’s like a race, with the turtle and the hare, and this time it’s not the fairytale.  School flies by me, smashing past the finish line, and I’m still inching forward, miles behind.

Yesterday I applied for university.  I don’t think I quite believe it yet.  This really shows how time is flying.  I feel like the pressure of IB exams are coming in, and I’m preparing myself bit by bit.  I’m holding my breath, reading and rereading my notes, trying to stay calm, and repeat in my head, “I can do this.”

I think Mongolia will be an eye opener for me and something to take me away from this pressure.  I was talking to Milica about IB, university, and life after a group project.  We talked about how people are able to become worked up over a “99%” and even yell at a teacher for it.  Currently I live in this world.  One where I pretty much have no troubles other then school.  I wonder what it’s like across the globe.  What will I see? What will I encounter?  What will I regret? 

Until I’m there, seeing no Rocky Mountains, or Richmond High, I think that’s when I’ll finally understand what I’m truly talking about.  I have so many hopes for this trip like bonding with the group, learning, building, creating, crying, things I doubt I’d experience here.  Once I’m there, hopefully the hare in my jump starts again, and I can run through til the end of highschool, knowing what I’m doing, where I want to be.

I call this “Time flies…a bit too quickly”, because I realize I forgot an event ALREADY!

I forgot about Improv-ing Mongolia, which was between bottle collecting and the bottle drive. 

I think this post just shows how time is flying by so quickly that I can barely keep up with what is happening!

In terms of this event, sadly, I didn’t help much, until the day of.  I went to about 3 meetings of the actual preparation of show, and by the time I actually realized what I was doing, it was the day of, and I was ushering people at the door.

The show was amazing.  Everyone who preformed certainly blew me away.  The singers, dancers, and actors were hilarious, even the MCs were creative! I felt as proud being allowed to sit in the front two rows (which were reserved for the people who made the production possible).  The whole event was successfully amazing.  I didn’t expect myself to laugh so much that day.

I really want to thank everyone in the group for this, since this show was a blast.  I had so much fun, and putting away things in the end just seemed far too easy with everyone helping out.  Thanks so much group! It was once again sucessful!

I can see it now… Everything is falling into place.

Video Filming – fun, hectic, edited, complete
Bottle Collecting – cold, wet, interesting, fun with friends, complete
Bottle Drive - cold, wet, exciting, dirty, smelt of liquor, complete
Parent meeting – forms, signatures, money, the trip, just the beginning

Having the sheet out in front of me, of every place that will be travelled too, to every event that will take place, I realize it’s so much closer then I had originally expected.

Since grade 6 I thought about global perspectives (because of my two sisters), then grade 8 when I first started going to richmond high, again in grade 10 because of Mr Matheny became a teacher of mine, then grade 11 with the interview, then, now.  I’ve been thinking about this experience for so long, that I don’t think I can accept time is flying by so quickly. 

4 months til now.  Can you believe it? I certainly can’t.  I don’t know what to say, or feel for that matter.  I’m excited, yet it feels as though there is so much more for me to do before I feel like I deserve to go on this trip.  So much more.

This week’s events: 

Bottle Collecting was interesting.  It was cold and started to rain, and as clever as I was, I forgot a jacket.  I assume people felt bad for me and  the two others who went out with me, so they gave as many bottles as they could, even if they only had 1 or 2.  It was successful, we managed to get quite a few bags, though I don’t think we counted how many we collected.  I was surprised to find people gave them to us so willingly, ever since I tried to go around to collect money donations, receiving any form of “donationable item” I find is extremely rare. I shout a thanks to all the people who donated bottles! 

The bottle drive came quickly, and passed even faster.  We certainly learned from last time, since no one held back when picking up the bottles.  One of the girls who wore open toed flip flops dove into the pile without worrying about sticky bottles rolling around on top of her feet.  Intense.  We did great.  I carried glass bottles from the mass pile to it’s own individual pile, while others sorted.  I will admit, my back hurt a lot by the end of it, but I knew I couldn’t stop, since if I slacked off, I would be letting down my team mates.  The job was quick, and I absolutely loved how we stood in a line passing the sorted bags one by one in the end.  This was a great event, since nothing held us back from miscommunication or any other silly setback.

Good work guys. One more successful day in the Mongolia group.

I think I understand what Mr. Matheny means now. 

1. Absorb everything you experience, and write it down so you don’t forget
2. Day three is inevitable
3. You won’t like everyone but respect them and they’ll respect you
4. It’s all about COMMUNICATION!!!!
5. Everyone is different, accept it, and work with what you have

Bamfield came and passed way too quickly that I can’t seem to recollect all my thoughts of everything that had happened. I regret Day Three, just a bit, and I wish I had taken Mr. Matheny’s advice and wrote everything down, since I’m beginning to forget my thoughts.  I found out every one’s character is different, and I must learn to accept them, and working in a group, it’s ALL ABOUT COMMUNICATION!!!

This experience feels as through it was training for Mongolia.  My whole group had a diverse set of characters, where we hit all the personalities of the class’s sheet game that led to chaos.  I felt a bit overwhelmed sometimes, some moments more then others, but the day we had to choose our topic, I recognized how the ‘boss’ really works.  The boss’s voice raises as an opposing idea comes up, making it seem like the louder they are, the more correct they are (where they really aren’t sometimes).  This was what led to my frustrations on the third day. 

I had found out a fault in our method of our lab so I tried to tell the rest of the group over and over, yet about four of them continued to yell over my voice.  I didn’t call them any names or say anything against them, though I was probably thinking about it at the time, but I had to pull a ‘Mr. Ryan’ (loud teacher in school- yell at the top of my lungs), yelling “BE QUIET!” I didn’t say those exact words, but you get my point.  I was angry, tired, cold, and wanted our lab problem-less, yet things don’t always go as planned.

I think I scared them a bit, since I’m a happy-go-lucky person usually, yet I felt like it had to be done, though it could have been done better and differently.  They listened, and one told me “I agree with you, 100% but we don’t have time to fix it.”  I realized no one had a solution for this problem, so, since I found the dilemma, I figured I needed to solve it.  I did too, in the end.  I was pretty grouchy when I was fixing it, since I had to repeat the same chore over and over, while everyone else seemed to be having fun (since our project was being successful, and the method for the experiment was extremely clever- just had to be fun).  Overall it was fixed, and everything was good in the end.  Though I only told you about my behaviour on the third day, I can honestly say every person in my group was mad or frustrated with someone else and carried out their angers in different ways (some worse then mine). 

Bamfield was fantastic.  My group, (by the end and doing the laid-back activities) worked great together.  We knew what was needed to be done and we did it, with random complications in between.  I am now starting to see a vague haze of what the Mongolia trip will be like, though instead of only four-five days, it will be two weeks.  I’m scared for the future, and hope I know how to make the right choices when a problem approachs me.  Every experience I have right now relates to this trip, one way or another and I need to take advantage of it every chance I get.

Mongolia: a distant future? Not at all.  Looking through my agenda’s calendar, I’m amazed to see how much time has flown by, since I’ve been accepted into the program, and how much closer I am, to the trip.  With this said, I know I need to learn much more and understand myself and other people better before I depart onto the plane.  Our group is slowly developing, and becoming more comfortable with each other, yet communication, our attitudes, and our diverse personalities will be a struggle we will all have to overcome. 

I hear on day three into the trip, arguments always occur.  I agree this is a high possibility since: we’d be cold, exhausted from work, in an unfamiliar country, isolated with people we don’t know well, wanting a hot shower badly, and sometimes desiring just pure silence, yet any problem between group members must be solved quickly.  These factors affect how we react to things, so if someone were to say, “I really don’t like your glasses.”  Our reply could be extremely unneccessary, especially if we were having a bad day.  Over the next few months, the one ‘importance’ that we must acknowledge is that,  we need to learn how to sort out our problems with good communication instead of having brawls and accusing one another.  Yes, I admit we won’t get along with everyone, yet we have to put up with it, and at least respect one another during the trip. 

We all have different personalities, which some people like and dislike.  Even if we absolutely hate a person in the group, on the trip, we must talk it over with them or somebody trusthworthy.  If they do something that annoys the life out of you, and all you want to do is yell and scream, take a moment, take as long as you need, hold your breath, bite your tongue, just make sure, nothing unneccessary is said when you’re extremely angry.  Whenever I think of holding back the anger and venting, I think of “If you have nothing nice to say, say nothing at all.”  This is a very true statement.  Once something is said, it cannot be taken back, and if it’s out there: it’s out there.  This is why, you should talk to the person that has annoyed you, after you’re done venting, and after you’ve cleared your head, so words can be thought about before being spoken, and a real conversation can be made without pure anger involved.

We’re all different and have our own ways of dealing with problems.  To be honest, I can be a crybaby.  When I become overly angry, or frustrated at someone, since I just “bite my tongue”, I feel like nothing has been accomplished, since they don’t know I’m angry at them, nor do they stop what’s annoying me, so, I tend to cry angry tears of frustration with a few babbling words, which makes me spill the beans as to why I’m so angry.  This usually doesn’t even involve the person annoying me, because other circumstances make me upset, so when I’m being annoyed by someone, I turn my frustrations over to them.  This, though, is the extreme, if it’s just a bad day, nothing out of the ordinary, I just hold back my sarcastic comments in my mind, and accept what I have to deal with. 

Today surprisingly enough, is… well I suppose… the morning before I leave for an IB trip to Bamfield, which consists of four days.  I’m quite scared, now that I think about it, since Day Three of Bamfield will come, and I hope I know how to deal with problems that may arise.  I already know who I’m rooming with, and I don’t know them very well, though I know for a fact, all four of our personalities are quite different.  I know if I have any problems, I shouldn’t throw out anger-balls, but go for a walk to clear my head, then go talk to them to sort out problems, so I hope I take my own advice since I want to learn from my past mistakes and make new corrections.