There is only one thing that I have left to say.
Global Perspectives did not make me complete, it certainly did not. What Global Perspectives did was opened up my eyes so that I could realize the incomplete and imperfect parts of the world and I.
Now as I go on with my life, I will deal with this incompleteness with optimism, bravery and passion.
Sincerely, I wish you all to have the courage to be who you are and take action in what you believe in.
Thank you all.
I typed up a note on facebook for some of my friends, unfortunately I cannot tag everyone’s name on it. Therefore, I will put it right here for my fellow mongols because as Puja says, you gotta say what you have to say.
Here we go:
THOUGHT
As I was uploading grad photos as well as typing long captions, I had many words in my mind to speak to each and everyone of you. I’ve been wondering what this note should be like, a message to each of you? a message for everyone? I don’t want to speak forever, because I know I can, but I also wish to be able to say what I really need to say.
ANTICIPATION
The night before valedictory, I was confused about how I should feel, so I decided to feel nothing and just go to sleep. The excitement and happiness hit when the day came and as I started taking pictures with each other, the smiles got brighter.
CONFESSION
I’m not sure how I can ever tell you guys, how beautiful you are. I probably sound a bit creepy, but there was a feeling that I had walking out of the chan centre. Suddenly, I felt unbeatable. I didn’t feel unbeatable because I survived IB, nor was it because 280 people finally walked across the stage, but because on June 3rd 2010, I truly realized and felt something that Matheny would say all the time.
Matheny would say: “I feel that I am who I am because of the company I keep.”
The reason that I feel good and happy as me is because of you guys, and of course every other person that have touched my life. Whether we are actually close or whether we tell each other secrets or not does not matter, because we still had times that won’t be the same with anyone else.
MOVING ALONG
Let’s face it.
We all know that things change and people go different ways. If you asked me a year ago or even weeks ago, I would still be someone that thinks about the past everyday and drowns myself about the fact that people have to leave and go. It’s not like I don’t understand, but It’s what the heart makes you feel that makes things hard.
Today, It’s not the same.
I must admit that I’ll probably miss you guys quite a bit, (okay it’s not like we’re all gonna die tmrw but..bare with me) but really, what’s ahead is way more interesting than the unnecessary burdens that we put on ourselves.
I’m not sure how to say this, but smiles are priceless, really.
UGLY
I’ve learned to realize that the most beautiful thing in the world is about the connections made between people. Without that, tell me what’s more important. Although the handmaid gowns were kinda gross, things were great because of us. Although we all do not have perfect faces, memories are always gonna be beautiful because of us.
One of the reasons of why I don’t even care about my prom dress is cause I know all of these don’t matter in the end. It’s the people that matters. I’m not waiting to take a picture of me in a dress that I love, I am waiting to take a picture with those that I love.
And if it doesn’t hurt, It’s not love.
I’m glad it would hurt missing you guys, but the appreciation and thankfulness in me would always overcome that.
Global Perspectives and colts to mongolia 2010 really shaped me to who I am today. Truly and sincerely, thank you all.
Tonight is the night before valedictory. The end to my high school years, the end to what I have gained and lost throughout these 5 years. Many things have changed, and once again, I’m sitting here anticipating an epiphany.
Time just flies. In fact, I think I tried to understand that concept a bit too well that when things are happening, I feel like it’s already finished. Right now, I’m not excited nor am I feeling much for valedictory. I know I probably will, but like the experience in Mongolia, when a million things are coming together in your mind, it will just end up being blank.
I’m not sure what this all means.
One thing I’m sure of is that I walk on the streets as someone that I’m comfortable with. I think (most of the time) before I speak and I see things in many perspectives. Moreover, I gained patience and became better at calming myself down.
What’s the hassle? What’s with fights and arguments?
I must admit that I still experience times when I would be human all over again, but being human is no excuse.
I don’t know what the end of high school really means, but I feel like I need to thank everyone and everything that was part of it.
Sincerely and truly from the heart, thank you to all the mongols, every stranger that I’ve passed by and every friend that came into my life.
Just because I can’t speak pretty words, I will paste lyrics from a song that my friend showed me to represent what I would like to say. I will make a promise here. I promise to live my life by passion. Lastly, I promise to live my life by what I believe in.
“I believe in nothing
Not the end and not the start
I believe in nothing
Not the earth and not the stars
I believe in nothing
Not the day and not the dark
I believe in nothing
But the beating of our hearts
I believe in nothing
Not in peace and not in war
I believe in nothing
But the truth in who we are”
And that’s it.
Congratulations to the graduates of 2010.
Feeling kind of awkward blogging and invasive in a way, but I thought words would mean more if I typed it on this very website, where people care. As I am getting closer to pretty much having the burden of E X A M S off my shoulders, I just can’t wait..for what’s to come. I’ve been sponsoring a child in India and we write to each other and many times, I would get newsletters from World vision. Every time I hold up the newsletter I see the same words that come up like..famine, starvation, widows, orphans..etc. At the same time, I would also see bright smiles and change. I realized that I have already made a promise to myself. Whatever I do in life as a career or whatsoever, I will never stop caring. Whether if it’s going on grad trips, donating money, sponsoring children or joining humanitarian aid groups, I won’t stop.
I never gotten the chance to actually work (shame on me) because of my time schedule and then IB just came in my life and I didn’t want to try handling too much. Right after my last study-able exam on May 18th, I will get a job as soon as possible. First, my first priority is to slowly repay my parents for my global ed trip. I mean, I would pay them twice the amount if I could, global perspectives is priceless. After that, I would save up for school ( books will probably help me use up all that money) and for things that I want and believe in (too bad I’m not at school, haven’t gotten a chance to donate to the awesome Fijians).
I’m not sure if this is even blog-worthy, but I am surely excited.
What you give, becomes what you have.
Even though it sounds stupid, I realized I never understood what “learn from your mistakes” meant. I do learn after every time I do something wrong, but now It’s different. I count those mistakes. I remember them with my heart and I learn, in a different way.
Now when people tell me things about me, I think about it over and over again so that I can find a better solution. Now when people tell me what makes them uncomfortable, I remember it with my heart so I don’t ever make anyone uncomfortable anymore.
Now,
I think twice before I act.
I think twice before I even think.
As I was studying…frustration and stress struck.
I was so frustrated. I felt so messed up. I felt like I couldn’t do anything.
Afterwards? I got even more frustrated that I was frustrated about some minor thing like…”I can’t do chem.”
But in the end all that was running through my head is..talk is cheap. talk is cheap. talk is cheap. talk is cheap.
Therefore I am sitting here and doing all that I can, because that’s all I can do right? All that I can.
So whatever you do, give it your all, with your heart.
I feel so ridiculously content.
I don’t need to succeed, I just need to feel proud of what the process was.
Before my exams, I would wake up to have a good shower and eat breakfast. After that, I would turn on my computer and watch our Mongolian video. Perhaps It’s for good luck, maybe it’s for reminding myself the importance of what I’m doing or to remind myself of the privileges that I have. Whatever the reason may be, I’ve been feeling really good lately.
I don’t quite remember what I was like from before, but I realized that I’m quite comfortable with myself. I learned to not judge others around me, but I also realized that I don’t judge myself either. It does not mean I don’t recognize flaws or things that could be improved on, but I simply, learnt to accept.
Months ago, or just weeks ago, I knew that global was part of my life. But as time goes on..I realized that It’s almost “haunting” my life. In a good way, of course. Proud to see the fundraisers going well with the Fijians, but never relax even if you reach your goal. The Mongols started out with so much energy, but died out afterwards for a short period, I’m not saying it’s the case for the Fijians, I just wanted to say that even if you reach your goal, try to make it even better. There’s never too much when it comes to good deeds and energy. Competition regarding the amount of money different groups raise motivates people, but you also have to remember deep inside, why you’re doing what you’re doing.
Just 9 more exams then all the stress will be gone. I’m leaving no room for regrets and trying my best, even though studying everyday is really not too fun.
I probably said this about a billion times ever since I got back from the trip, but really, I’ve been appreciating my life so much more. Perhaps I have appreciated before the trip, but i didn’t realize how much I do. I mean just the fact that I’m in my own room, sitting on a comfortable chair with a warm cup of tea to study with means a lot to me. I’m not a complainer for most of the time, but after all of this, give me a reason to complain? I don’t think It’s possible.
I feel happy. I feel optimistic. My life and experiences helped shape me to being who I am today, and I’m proud to say that Global Perspectives was a part of it.
Yesterday, I went to Mongolia and spent 2 weeks there.
Today, I look at photos and realize what it all meant.
Tomorrow, what will I do for this world and for myself?
Embrace the journey Fijians, It’s yours to take. It’s yours to remember. I wish you all the best.
Although I felt the connection that was made with the people in Mongolia, I personally did not get especially attached to anyone. In fact, I’m lucky to be still communicating with one of the Mongolians named Zaya, because I really had troubles trying to remember people’s names. I definitely had a good sense of how welcoming those people were and how friendly they were, but perhaps the connection wasn’t as strong for me on a personal level.
I realized the bonds that I’ve made with the people within our group was actually stronger. From the emails with Joyce to the lovely Quizno’s that Sandra gave me until the random yet awesome emails from Jasmar, It’s really been great. We might not all be best buddies, but there’s something genuine between all of us mongols and the teachers. Something that many people in this world lacks. A simple smile that’s not fake, a simple “Hello” because you actually care.
You see it all the time. Bad Service. I used to not really care about bad service but today I started to wonder. I smiled at the cashier in the food court only to be ignored. I opened my mouth to tell her what I wanted to order. Her face is emotionless. She speaks the numbers that I have to pay, but I could barely hear her. I pay and wait for my change. I smile and say thank you after she hands me the change. She remains emotionless and actually..she had an angry face. Attitude really is everything. I mean, if you don’t enjoy that job, then go do something else. You’re in control of your own life in the end no matter what circumstances you are put into. We are all placed into an environment because we were born into it. We end up into places that we might not have wanted to be in, but it’s up to us to go somewhere else, is it not? It just kind of made me feel sad. Why spend eight hours standing there being emotionless and tired if you hate it. Just take a step and move. Life is about moving. Not standing and waiting. Cause there’s nothing for you to wait for.
It’s been continuous hours and hours of studying lately, which is quite tedious. I keep the thought of Mongolia in the back of my head, but more importantly, I’m extremely excited for the free time that I will actually have 19 days later after the exams. I will finally have the time to think about how I should spend my time. Of course, continuing my education is part of it, but I’m hoping to do something different.
Now till May 21st-Study, study, exams, exams.
May 21st till who knows what- wonder, ponder, try new things, do more things, It’s time for some change.
To all the COLTS TO FIJI, CONGRATULATIONS ONCE AGAIN.
Can I give you all a hug?
Probably not, that is very creepy.
But my point is, reading your blogs made me happy and feeling that enthusiasm running through all of you..just feels too good.
I hope I don’t creep you guys out if I suddenly add you on facebook or anything. (Okay, I feel extremely desperate & creepy already.)
But anyway, best of luck with fundraisers, please “Attack” everyone you know..nicely =]
-A mongol that you don’t know and is probably scared of now
I typed up a few words…then I stopped. I thought about what I wanted to say, and I’m still not sure whether or not this should be on the website or if just sending an email to all the mongols would be more appropriate. I apologize If I happen to offend any of you..I’ll try to be sensitive to what I’m saying.
I don’t know if I’m being an insensitive person or If I’m heartless or I don’t know what… I understand how some of us are feeling, I get the feeling too, but I think some things like feeling depressed can only go to a certain extent. Perhaps It hasn’t been long enough yet.
I mean..haven’t we learned to focus on the positive things in what we face everyday and everywhere?
We had post-trip periods of down time realizing that we were back home and we had a period of time realizing that we will have to pass the torch over. I’m not trying to say that we just shouldn’t care and not be disappointed that we’re gonna be gone, because I know we all care. It’s just that I think we should remember what we’ve learned and incorporate into every action we take now.
Just like what Joyce said in her presentation, she learned to trust the workers in Mongolia to finish the school, it’s just like how we should trust that the following groups in GP will all give it their best. I think we all want the very best for the next group, the next group, the next group and the next group…(It never ends). I guess It’s okay to be jealous, but only for a while.
I just don’t think we should be sad over something so special that we have already gained. We already have our memories and experiences inside us, who’s gonna take it away? No one. No one is able to.
Although I can understand, I just thought Mongols would be cooler if they were smiling.
So maybe let’s have some faith and carry on with a smile.
P.S. If only I could be in that classroom every year when they announce the destination. It’s such a special and exciting moment. I don’t know why I was so excited today. It doesn’t matter if we’re not part of the trip, because we’re really still part of it. Let’s just stalk the GP website forever and ever…
BEST OF LUCK TO THE GRADE 11s!!
15 Minutes later: Fine, I probably made it sound easier than It was. I just realized I randomly googled Fiji and stared at it for a very long time.
I get a funny feeling when I hear people say, “Global kids come back after a life-changing experience and don’t care for school anymore so they don’t study and do nothing.”
Perhaps it may be a trend of some sort that people notice..but no. How is that even logical? Students in global perspectives go across the world to build a what? a school. A school to show the value of education and because of the strong belief for the importance of education, therefore we want to let everyone have an equal chance.
If you’re someone who thinks that way, I just wanted to say that I value my education. I just don’t find it logical when people think we come back and don’t value our opportunities. I don’t blame them, I kind of understand the other side of things, but I just got a funny feeling. Perhaps a feeling that didn’t feel too good.
