Angelica Cabrera

What? High school ended 2 days ago?

I guess its safe to say that I’m not really grasping the concept of moving on to some other chapter of my life yet. How can I so quickly abandon feeling part of an element that has been what my life has revolved around for the past 4 years? How can I face the fact I’ll never see many of my friends again? That we’ll be separated by different countries, schools, or simply other people? How can I be so eager to move on to university, which, although an exciting prospect, is all too unfamiliar and a bit nervewracking?

How can I?

So, I guess I’m kind of in a state of denial that high school is over. But at least I’m acknowledging it, which is good, I guess. But I don’t feel an aching sense of loss – yet. I’m always one of those kinds of people that shuns an uncomfortable reality until its too late, then it hits me in the face tenfold later on. Then, ate nights of looking through old photo albums and many Kraft Dinners ensue as I try to cope with it. This happened one other time recently – when I got back from Fiji – and somehow I know it’s going to happen again.

However, I think I’ll be better equipped to cope with it this time. Global did teach me some things, namely, how to deal with those ugly feelings of loss, depression, and confusion. How to be happy that some part of your life happened instead of being sad that it’s over.

So I’m glad to have gone through high school and to have had the privilege to have so many amazing people and memories in my life. We all need to grow up sometime, and coming to understand that nothing lasts forever is a big part of that. When we were kids, it was rough to grasp this idea, and I know that from my juvenile and dramatic reactions to family pet deaths or melting snowmans in the winter. But now it’s different. Whether its a sign of a part of my innocence lost or a part of my adulthood gained, I’ve changed, and, at this time in my life, it’s for the better.

So if I could say anything to the Batswanas: I know high school graduation is the farthest thing from your mind right now, and you don’t want to think about it. But please, do. Do realize that high school is much shorter than you actually think it is, a fact painfully evident when you finally graduate. Because when you grasp that reality head-on, you’ll be able to make the most of it.

I wasn’t aware this blog was going to be so long. I actually had no idea what I was going to write about when I signed in, but I guess I had a lot more on my mind then I realized. It just reminds me how much I’ll miss Global next year, part of it being the cathartic effects of blogging.

Until next time,

Angelica

p.s. You can tell that the “Until next time” shows that I don’t want to let Global go yet…it’ll be one of the things that I’ll attempt to hold on to the longest from high school. I know I just said that I’ve started dealing with these feelings of denial…but hey, baby steps.

Three weeks.

It’s kind of hard to believe that the four years of my life in high school will conclude in only three weeks.

It should have started sinking in a couple of months ago that I would be crossing the stage to receive my diploma in a very short while, but I’ve been preoccupied with too many things (coughIBexamscough) that I’ve kind of putting off really thinking about my future. But tomorrow I’m going to a university orientation already, so my future definitely is becoming a reality.

I’ve kind of had a solid “life plan” for the next 5-6 years and I’m pretty comfortable with it…but by no means am I eager to get high school over and done with. I know its true, but I don’t want to face the sad reality that I know will happen – that I won’t see the same group of people at school next year, and probably will fall out of touch with a lot of them.

I know, I know, I’m being depressing. I guess this all just hit me…now. But that’s life – nothing lasts forever. In one of our past classes, Mr. Matheny asked us if we had any regrets during our trip of Fiji, and I honestly don’t think I had any because I followed one of Global’s cardinal rules pretty well, cherishing every moment. So instead of moping around my current situation, I’ll apply what I learned in Global, and live in every second of every day of the next three weeks.

Until next time,

Angelica

I’ve had ten days of IB exams and I am basically at the halfway point, as I’ve only got ten more days to go. I’ve just finished my History papers, which was undoubtedly the most studying I’ve done for any of my subjects which has resulted in around 3 days of non-stop studying from morning till night. Needless to say, once I got home from finishing my last paper today, I immediately crashed on my bed and promptly had about 4 History-exam induced dreams involving Dwight D. Eisenhower and Pancho Villa on a horse.

Anyway, that aside, I’m just extremely happy that I’ve gotten this far without having some kind of severe emotional breakdown. IB exams sounded impossible to do when I first heard of them, but I think I’ve done okay so far. It just proves that if you work hard and approach an “impossible” situation with the right mindset, you’ll succeed. People always assume that you genius and a born “nerd” to be in IB, and I always get a little irritated with that generalization. To do well in IB, you have to be a hard worker and not just  a natural-born “genius”. If you don’t have the work ethic, you won’t succeed. I think that’s true for life in general as well, and being in IB has helped me realize that.

If anyone in IB is reading this right now, its been a tough ride but we’re almost there. Don’t get discouraged, IB exams will only happen once in our lives so put your best effort in. Remember what we discussed in class, we don’t want to have any regrets or “should-have-dones” in ten years. Not saying that we need to ace IB exams, but let’s do our absolute very best so we can be proud of what we’ve done.

Anyway, I’m off to become best friends with my Business textbook for the next five days as I prepare for my last four papers.

Until next time exam study break,

Angelica

If you clicked on this blog hoping that I wouldn’t talk about IB exams and link it to Global….sorry, you’ll just have to bear with me. It’s safe to say that its all thats on my mind right now, when a couple of exams are all that will define my academic performance in IB forever (at least on paper).

Scary, right?

Well, it is tough, and just a few weeks ago I viewed these exams with trepidation (ooh, big word, got to remember that for my English exam). I didn’t have a “glass half-empty” mindset, as I wasn’t entirely negative about the prospect. I was just slightly unnerved at the fact that I have to study for an exam that consists of material from the PAST TWO YEARS of my schooling, for every single one of my subjects. On top of that, this all is within a span of 23 short days.

However, I just finished my Math exams today and they were manageable. I spent the last week freaking out over my first few exams and studying like crazy and I did fine. Not perfect, but much,much better than expected. This just made me realize that I can get through this if I work really hard and not let my nerves get the best of me, as fear only gets in the way of you doing your best (Sorry for stealing your thunder here, Mr. Roosevelt…).

So I suppose I didn’t really have a “glass half-empty” mindset, but rather, a “WOW-THAT-IS-A-REALLY-SCARY-GLASS” one.

So, I am now adopting a new attitude to whatever setbacks I face in the next couple of weeks: a glass half-full point of view.

For everything.

Everything.

I have 11 exams in the next 17 days? At least I don’t have school during May, so I can take advantage of all the days I have off.

I don’t get to see my friends anymore because of all my studying? That’s what study groups are for.

I really don’t understand further organic chemistry because there are too many carbons and hydrogens for one person to handle? At least I have parents who care enough to buy me study guides (that aren’t the cheapest of books, mind you) and an eager Chemistry teacher to help me if I need it.

My hands are tired from typing out notes? At least I’m part of the privileged 5% in the world that owns a computer.

I could go on, and on, but you get the point. I think I should call it the “at-least” method, whenever I’m feeling down, it always makes me feel better. And I think everything I learned in Global allows me to do this now that I have a greater appreciation for my education and for my life.

So, all you IB-ers out there (and there’s a lot of you in Global) stay strong.

Keep calm and study on.

Until next time exam study break,

Angelica

Study break #2 commence!

So I’ve been stressed lately, and yes, it is because of IB exams, I am willing to admit. I’ve been doing so many derivatives and normal distributions and unit vectors that I thought I would be able to see the world in awesome mathematical ways now……but no. Studying is not resulting in any superpowers right now, in fact I feel like the opposite of a superhero, unless the definition of a superhero is having the ability to find the area under a curve using integrals in under 5 minutes.

Where am I going with this? Oh yes, Global. It’s true that once you go through Global you start thinking about little things in your life and how it relates to something you talked about in Global. And right now, I’m remembering the class we recently had where we thought of things we would tell ourselves in ten years. One of them was to not be so preoccupied with things that seem to matter a lot now, because they won’t in ten years (coughIBexamscough). So every time I have a mini emotional breakdown because I’m just too overwhelmed, I remember that this isn’t the end of my life, even if I happen not to do well, and its best to spend my time trying my hardest, instead of wasting my time worrying about not doing “good enough”. And my experience with Fiji does definitely make this piece of advice a lot easier to understand. I’ve experienced a different way of living in Fiji, spending time helping others to help myself and having a blast doing it. Having gone through that amazing experience, and knowing that there are so many other ways to fulfill my life, its much easier to be detached from the thinking that life = school all the time.

I guess I wanted to write this blog to document one of those “thinking-of-Global-outside-of-Global” incidents that past Global Edders always talk about, which happened to me at a moment where I wasn’t even expecting it to, as it was nice. (I feel like its appropriate, but I am following Matheny’s rule and I am currently restraining myself from putting a smiley face right here)

Until next time exam study break,

Angelica

So I haven’t blogged in a really long time.  I have like 5 half-finished blog entries in my drafts that were started throughout the month and then never finished as I didn’t think they made sense. But I do want to post them, so I figured that now is the time to do it. So, I will post those blogs every few breaks in the middle of my intense IB exam studying, as it will keep me slightly sane.

One thing a lot of us Global-ers have struggling with ever since we got back from Fiji is the thought of giving up our positions in the class to another group. It had nothing to do with not wanting another group to continue the program, but more of the fact that we didn’t want to face that our year in Global is over. This was a source of misery for a while, and I’m sure you could tell from our interview sign-up sheet posted outside Mr. Matheny’s wall that we all wanted to do it again.

However, somewhere in my state of Kraft Dinner-induced stupor as I was depressing myself looking through old Fiji pictures a few days after coming back from Fiji, sad with the fact that our year in Global was nearing the end, I kind of realized something that cheered me up a bit.

Being a Global Edder doesn’t mean just filling this role only in class, or during fundraisers, or on the trip. Being a Global Edder is not a position you fill for one year of your life, it’s who you ARE. Global is not a part of your life compartmentalized in the class and doesn’t end when you graduate. I’ll take the values and lessons I have learned in Global and will make efforts to apply it to other areas of your life now and in the future, changing the person I am as a result. This is what being a Global Edder truly means.

I wrote this in my letter to my Batswana, and I hope through the year they will realize this and especially when they come back from Botswana as it will probably make more sense. Its reassuring for me anyway, and I know all 30 of us Fijians are not being “kicked out”, as we will be “Global Edders” for the rest of our lives (not literally, but figuratively…you get what I mean)

Until next time exam study break,

Angelica

I just arrived home about three hours ago, and the long journey home gave me a lot of time to reflect on the past two weeks. I feel really out of place here at Richmond right now, because the last week was so surreal. It was like I was thrown into a dream almost, then pulled back to reality all too quickly. I wanted to do a blog to capture my immediate thoughts after arriving, because I’m feeling so many emotions right now that I want to document.. (disclaimer: I am falling asleep right now so the grammar/spelling/punctuation of the following blog will probably not be great. But hey, I tried!)

Let’s do the shallow things first. I feel, for lack of better words, very cold….You will never realize how cold Richmond is until you live in a sweltering place for two weeks and get used to that temperature. I think it’ll take me a while to acclimate to this. I also feel like I have superpowers, because I time traveled – we left Fiji at 10 pm on Thursday the 31st, and arrived in Vancouver at 9 pm on Thursday the 31st. Radical.

Okay, now that’s aside, I also feel a lot of things that are a little more complex. First of all, like I said before, I feel displaced. Richmond is my home, and my family is here, but it feels weird because living with my Fijians for two weeks, although we moved from place to place, was a second home for me. The villagers of Wavuwavu also became part of that family after they welcomed us with open arms and genuinely cared for us. With my Global class and the people of Wavuwavu, I felt safe with them and perfectly happy. I’m not sad to go back home but its bittersweet because it means leaving my other family.

Also, it has only been two weeks, but it feels like forever. I feel like this trip to Fiji was way longer than that period of time. It was only a couple of days, but it felt like I’ve lived two years. The things that I did, learned, and seen seem way too intense for just two weeks. I feel so much older and experienced, if that makes any sense. It took me a while to wrap my head around that we built a community centre in a matter of days. It makes me think of time in a different way.. before, two weeks seemed so short, because I would often be so caught up in school and/or procrastination that it didn’t seem like a long time because I wasn’t living in every moment. However, in two weeks in Fiji so much was accomplished. It makes me think, if I did all that in two weeks, if I made the world a better place in that time, why can’t I continue that for the rest of my life? I have dozens of years ahead of me and I can do so much in my future for the world after this experience made me realize that. Time is on my side.

Another thing I have been thinking about is my education. Our project in Fiji is primarily a community centre, but will be used as an education centre for children. We also visited a primary school in Wavuwavu. There is education available in Fiji, but not to the extent I have it here. The elementary and high schools in Fiji don’t measure up to the opportunities the schools in Canada offer, and we have dozens of these amazing schools only in Richmond. I feel like a great education should be a right, but I have realized it is a privilege, which is why we should appreciate it.

I am very tired from the flight and suddenly very hungry.. travel does that to you. Anyway, these were my initial thoughts coming home and it feels good to let it all out somewhere. The past two weeks have been, without a doubt, the best of my life. Thanks Fijians, I love you all!

Angelica

Today is our final work day in Wavuwavu and I don’t really want to believe it. I just really want to work on the school forever because I’ve made so many connections with the locals, have gotten to know the other Global Edders so well, and have learned a lot of things (and not just how to use a hammer and a nail). Every day, although at first it seemed really slow, we are getting closer and closer to finishing the school and as badly as I want to finish it I know it means we will then leave, which is a little sad. So as I mentioned before we are just starting off on our last work day. We came off an incredible effort yesterday – after lunch we were all very tired and Matheny warned us that if we didn’t pick up the pace we wouldn’t be able to finish the school. However we really stepped it up those last 2 hours yesterday and we are exactly where we need to be today. I think it shows the character of our whole group – even when we are fatigued we always remember what we are in Fiji for and that we must live every moment. I also noticed how well everyone has meshed together – on the worksite we watch out for each other and help everyone out – but also away from the worksite we’ve gotten to know each other really well. It’s nice how we’re a family because we, so to speak, “have” to be (supporting each other on the worksite to accomplish a common goal) but also because we want to be. As well, it isn’t just the Global Ed-ders who are part of this family but also the Fijians: the workers, the children, Deep’s family, and everyone else who visits us on the worksite. Both parties are totally comfortable and respectful of each other now and it’s a really beautiful relationship. I can’t wait to finish the school and as I sit here and see everyone putting on the finishing touches I am so excited to see it complete. If we do finish this today, this will be the first Global project EVER to have been completely finished by the last day, and I really do believe we will be able to do this. There’s something unique about my Global class this year I think, and I think that will show in the finished product but also in the experience as a whole.

Yesterday was our second work day at the village, and we made a LOT of headway. I feel very sore today, because yesterday I was sick but worked really hard.  Pushing myself this way while I’m not in the best condition probably doesn’t make a lot of common sense but I wanted to really live in the moment, and I think it was worth it. We accomplished much more than I thought I would at the beginning of the day. We started putting the siding up and nailing it to the interior of the structure. Firstly we had to saw the siding to the dimensions of the wall which was very tiring. It was my first time sawing so it was a little hard getting the rhythm and it was kind of tiring but I enjoyed it. Then we had to attach the siding to the wall with a hammer and nail. It was my first time using a hammer and a nail (oh, there’s a pattern here) and at first I would either bend a nail or hit it at a wrong angle which would result in the nail hitting someone. But I started to get better as time went on and at one point I did a nail in only three strokes (I think I was just lucky on that one though). Hammering is very satisfying and it was my favourite job that day. We also worked on our hole yesterday, and it was about 2.5 feet when we started in the morning. I found that it got harder to dig because as we went deeper down, it would be harder to toss the dirt out of the hole. Given that the weather was sweltering hot today was challenging. However we managed to get it done at the end of the day, which involved all of us standing around the hole cheering three Global Edders on as they dug and taking turns in the hole. At the end of the day the hole was 5 feet, and Matheny owes us two ice creams now. It’s amazing how something I thought near-impossible to do only a day before was accomplished by us in only two days. I think that shows that working together is really important – if only three people helped out with the hole then it would have never gotten done. The fact that everyone contributed allowed us to accomplish our goal. Another thing I enjoyed yesterday was getting to know the locals even more. There were a lot of little children and teenagers there. At the beginning of the day they were all a little shy and stayed away, but at the end of the day when we were all working hard they started to join in with rakes and shovels and wheelbarrows. The dynamic between the Fijians and the Canadians was amazing to see. I also got to know the children a bit more and even if it was a little challenging to have conversations because of the language and age barrier I got to know a lot of children very well. Today we have a bit of break day instead of a full work day, and even though I just want to go back to the worksite to finish the school and the other hole we have to dig (it’s true), I’m looking forward to it.

Until next time,

Angelica

It’s our second day in Fiji and we are currently starting work on our school! But first, a quick recap of our journey: Yesterday, we arrived in Labasa after a very, very long journey. It was so long that I forgot what time and day it was because everything just blended together. I know it involved three plane rides, a bus ride, and a lot of layover time…. but I’m not quite sure. It felt like one really long day because I didn’t sleep much, even on the plane, and we went through like 3942893 time zones and skipped a couple of days. Anyway, our travel time in total was the longest ever for Global (More than 24 hours I think) but I really enjoyed the journey. Also, I got to improve my skill of sleeping on airport floors. When we finally landed in Labasa everyone was freaking out (for lack of better words). We got to see the landscape up close for the first time and it finally sunk in that we were in Fiji. We of course saw Fiji from the airplane but it didn’t seem real, because it was so beautiful and surreal. Then, when we went on a bus ride to Wavuwavu, and you should have seen our reactions during the ride. Everything was so green and lush and I had never seen so many palm trees in my life. The landscape was so amazing and untouched, it looked like a screensaver. We were really excited so we said “BULA!” to everyone that we saw and we were so happy that everyone waved or said “Bula” back. We got to the construction site and the first thing we heard were drums. Then, the whole village (around 50 people) were there at the site, dressed up for the opening ceremony: men, women, children, and babies. We got sat down individually and the women gave all of us flower necklaces – kind of like leis but with made with real flowers – and I felt so honored that they were doing this all for us. We got treated to some dances from the women and the little boys and had an amazing Fijian dinner that was akin to Indian food.

Anyway, getting back to the present – it has been five hours since we have started work on the school. At the beginning of the day we were all assigned jobs: kitchen (to help with cooking food), dentistry (helping the dentists with their jobs), and construction (painting, sawing,  etc). Oh and there’s one more job: the hole. The hole gets a separate mention because it’s a very special job. We have to dig a 6 feet wide by 6 feet deep hole, and so far we are around 2 feet deep (It takes a lot more work than you would think). The jobs I’ve done have been painting the frame of the building and the inner roof with white paint – I was really particular about the paint being a perfect, even coating then someone told me it was only primer. But that’s okay, I still had fun. Our jobs are tiring on their own, but the fact that it is sweltering hot (with random ten-second intense rain showers) makes it a little challenging, but I am enjoying every minute of it. Any time I feel a little worn out from the work I just have to look up and see the beautiful background – sugar cane, palm trees, lush green mountains and perfect blue sky – and it keeps me going. The people that have been taking care of us and working with us here have all been really nice. They’ve been feeding us really great food and helping us with the building. The fact that they are impressed with our work ethic makes me even more proud of our class. I’ve never wanted to give something to someone as bad as I want to give this school to the people of Wavuwavu. As I’m here writing my blog I look over and see everyone working hard and all I want to do is to join them, so I will. Ni sa moce (I think that’s goodbye in Fijian..)

Angelica